i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
