You really coming over, don't trick.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
