Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Randomize
