This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
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So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You need Xanax blowdarts
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize