I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
