Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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