ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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