you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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