Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
