did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
