How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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