We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
