broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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