i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
