He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
