He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize
