she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
