I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
