I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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