Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize
