As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
