Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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