this beer tastes like vomit already
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
