no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
