By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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