So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
