my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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