I've blown a few things in my day
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
