Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
