please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Randomize
