I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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