You really coming over, don't trick.
i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
