Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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