i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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