My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
