You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
