My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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