I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
