He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
