we have pet lesbian snakes
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
