You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
