yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
