Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
