Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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