normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
