Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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