Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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