Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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