I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
