Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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