and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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