You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize
