you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize