No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
