I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Two words: blizzard sex
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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