I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
