He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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