i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize