You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
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