you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
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