This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Randomize
