I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
