Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
