the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
