So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
