In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My vagina is officially offended.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
