I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
