And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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