Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
