do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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