"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
