tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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