If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
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He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
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Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.