If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?