I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
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Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
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This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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