And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0