I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
