Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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