I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
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Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
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You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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