I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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