I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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