Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
