lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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