It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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