i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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