just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
